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Friday, August 10, 2012

Maybe I Am a Little Bit Nuts

LAUSD's start date is August 14th, just a few days away.  We were supposed to be going to the local Gifted Magnet today for Orientation, but instead, I am cleaning house and doing laundry while the boys systematically destroy all my efforts at my heels.

The definition of Insanity is doing the same thing over and over
and expecting a different result.

T and P's work of Art
That is what being home with two little boys is all about.  "Sure honey, try out the new paints and all the cool tools!"  15 minutes later there is paint all over the classroom tables, each of the 15 tools is covered and the boys are grinning ear to ear, holding up their hands, "Look mom, it's like I have gloves on!"  Sigh.  I thought we were over this about 3 years ago.  Apparently not.

So while all the new families are welcomed to the school, I continue to pursue my own private insanity.  And the question you may be asking is why are you doing this to yourself?

The answer, while not simple, is easy for me.  I refuse to put my children into the care of people who do not understand them, who have rigid rules (such as lining up with their hands behind their backs, or not being allowed to talk to each other during their 20 minute lunch) and who have little patience for the kids that just don't fit in their "box."  They expect small children to sit for long periods of time, quietly listening, reading or writing in their journals.  Their box has straight edges and each child must fit in neatly or they become a problem.

There is nothing neat about my children, nothing "straight" about them.  They are not quiet and complacent.  They do not accept everything an elder tells them, and in fact, will tell an elder a thing or two.  They often do not accept NO as an answer without a highly dramatic response.  My kids are messy.

At 5 1/2 my eldest began Kindergarten a month late in our local LAUSD school.  We had just relocated to Cali after 12 years in Seattle.  It was, shall we say, quite an adjustment going from a white-bread to a melting pot community.  "T" didn't know that the little boy on the playground was speaking Spanish; that he did not know how to speak English.  But the classroom was nice, the kids sweet and the teacher, a buxom blond with bright blue eyes, seemed like a good fit.  That is, until I was able to volunteer in the class.

I witnessed the teacher yelling at the kids across the room.  She also had moments where she made fun of them.  She was a drill sargent with a stick (literally!) running them through their reading lessons.  One day, when reading a story to the kids about weather, I sat at the back of the rainbow rug and listened.  The pretty picture book explained how water evaporated into the sky and came down in the form of rain or snow.  When my little guy raised his hand and said "Did you know, that the water we drink today is actually dinosaur spit?"  She rolled her eyes, took a deep breath and told my 5-year-old that he had better "check his facts" and moved on.  That was heartbreaking for me - the lady who was doing science experiments with him months before and read that little factoid to him. (pardon my angry sarcasm here, but how DARE he make such a connection and interrupt her curriculum??)

My little son, a boy who has loved books, puzzles, and logging onto NickJr.com at age 3, was not happy.  Soon, he was pressing his pencils into his shirts and cutting them with sissors.  He refused to do coloring and would scribble black crayon across the sheet.  He became the Rebel.  It wasn't long before I had a conference where I was told he was very bright, but that he would "be a hoodlum one day" if I didn't do something now.  Later, I was told that I needed the 'Super Nanny.'  (No, I'm not kidding!!)

So for the 1st grade, we tried the local Math/Science & Technology Magnet.  Fail.  He was so bored, he "compulsively" drew on his desk (which I discovered was the entire town of Spongebob's Bikini Bottom) and the teacher was convinced he had ADHD.  Sigh.  By February of that year, I had him at Neurologists offices, trying to figure out what the heck was wrong with him.  He became angry and, now I realized, depressed.  He was basically anti-social, kicking rocks on the playground, going to the nurse every morning, and he had no friends at all.  It was the saddest thing I ever saw.

And I asked the school to test him:  Oh! Congratulations! Your child is "Highly Gifted!"  (What does THAT mean exactly?)

School #3, a brand new hybrid homeschool/2-day-a-week Charter.  Fail.  My genius IQ child was bored, didn't fit in, and developed a case of anxiety that had him puking his guts out into a trashcan in the office by the time the winter holiday rolled around.

We are done with school.  Our last straw was the Gifted Magnet's Principal telling me that he would not fit in, that the children who attend this school are "Academic Achievers" and enjoy the stress of a rigorous curriculum.  There is not a lot of accomodation for children with "issues" and they have one boy similar to my T, and he is a handful.  Translation:  There is only one other child in the 3rd grade that is actually "gifted" in the way that my child is.  Grrreat.

So today we have painted, camped out in the closet with our stuffed animals, flashlights and snacks, we created an air-conditioned shirt by placing a wet t-shirt into the freezer, and we started a mold experiment with a slice of bread placed in a baggie in a warm location.  (None of these were my idea, by the way).  And it is only the noon hour on a Summer day. "School" will not start for us until at least September 15th, but I'm pretty sure there is some amazing learning going on any way.

9 comments:

  1. Really well written Diana. I plan to follow your blog often! A number of my boyfriend's daughter's friends are home schooled. It's definitely both rewarding and a challenge!

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  2. Way to go Momma - you know your kids well! I want to know more about P!! :)
    Claudia

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  3. Thanks ladies! I've got a draft for P :-)

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  4. I would love to meet you and get our kids together! I'm in Santa Monica... Well written, heartfelt and you really spoke to me. I get it. I had to get our son out of kindergarten because we were losing our creative, happy, curious boy. Starting our home school journey this year.

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  5. Don't feel bad if your choice of curriculum doesn't work. Frequently, especially for people new to homeschooling, it takes a few tries before you find the right fit for your family. One of the biggest benefits of homeschooling is flexibility, though, and it's totally allowable to switch tacks, even mid-year.

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  6. This broke my heart for your poor, dear boy. Your children have a mother who's willing to try, try, and try again until she finds what suits their needs. They'll thrive.

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  7. My oldest daughter - age 7 - sounds a lot like your son! We were lucky to have some early run-ins with teachers and others that got my concerns going about how she would fit into a traditional classroom (she read very early, makes those super connections, and has psychomotor and emotional overexcitabilities that make her an extraordinarily intense little person). We started homeschooling her as a preschooler and have never looked back. The flexibility and customization alone make it worth it to us. There are days when I seriously am emotionally exhausted dealing with the intensity, but I can't see - like you said - sending her to be with people who just.don't.get.her. We're in CA too and go through an independent study charter school, which has worked out well for us. Good luck on your new adventure!

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  8. Hi, I found your blog through a link on Facebook. My DS (12) sounds a lot like your son. I LOL'ed about the black crayon. I never thought about it being an act of rebellion until now. He used to do that all the time when he was in pre-K.
    We stuck with public school and tried and tried to make it work until about 5th grade. I don't know how many phone calls and emails I got because DS refused to do ____ over the years. Usually some worksheet. :)

    We've been homeschooling for the past 2 yrs and haven't looked back. It took a little while for us to find what works/doesn't work for us, but this has been a case where the grass truly is greener on the other side. Good luck on your new homeschooling journey!

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  9. I just found your blog from a post on GHF - I just had to comment because I just pulled my 6 year old out of a good magnet school two weeks ago. I swear I could have almost written your posts except I didn't even try to transfer to another school. Our gifted magnet program is rather just an accelerated academically rigorous public school.

    My child, too, questioned authority, got bored, and became depressed. His only lifeline was that he had friends and loved to play with them - but 15 minutes at recess was not enough.

    I feel like when I read your blog, that you are writing about my life! I feel frustration, awe, isolation, worry, moments of happiness, all mixed in one.

    My child has never been tested for giftedness, but I have a feeling that he'd be right up there. He's not an academic achiever, but he's an out-of-the box thinker. He questions everyone, every step of the way, he is an intense child with a lot of energy, and I've had comments that "he wouldn't be that way if you raised him differently." Or "Spare the rod spoil the child" as if something I did made him this way. It is a hard road that we choose, but I know that I did the right thing. Good luck to you! Just know you are not alone on this journey :)

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